Living a life unfulfilled?

Recently, I decided to step away from additional responsibilities I had given myself. It was beginning to be too much, and my days were slowly turning into chaotic mush, which ended with me sitting down at 11pm going “where the hell did my day go and what did I forget to accomplish?” *ques anxiety* Now don’t get me wrong, some days are busier than others, but they are productive and fulfilling. It’s what those busy days consist of that I am most concerned with.

Often times in our lives, we mistake our days being FULFILLED, when really they are just FILLED other unnecessary fluff. And no, I don’t mean ‘adulting’ for appointments, parenting, co-parenting, romantic relationships, meetings, jobs. I encourage you to really sit back and ponder on what these offer your energy.

So how do we know when we are living a FULFILLING life? The reality is, it’s different for everyone. What satisfies me, may or will not satisfy you. I, too, have struggled to answer this question. Often mistaking my busy days filled with too many engagements that left me spinning in a whirlwind, crying in the parking lot of my child’s school, thinking my proverbial reward for doing all of these things was waiting for me. Only to wake up empty, exhausted, and apathetic to life.

So answer me this. Are your days filled with fluff? You know, what we write when we need to stretch a paper from 4 pages to the 5.5 requirement? We change ‘isn’t’ to ‘is not’, for that extra word count, lmao. That’s what my days were turning into. Fluff. For a long time, I had this belief that if I wasn’t busy, or moving a thousand miles a minute, then I wasn’t being productive. I succumbed to the “grind”, “hustle hard”, and “go hard or go home” mentality, and it began to control my entire life. And while there is nothing wrong with working hard to get where you desire to be, it is equally as beneficial to stop and re-evaluate everything you have going on.

It’s okay to ask yourself ‘In what capacity is this serving me?’

Wanna know what gives me a sense of fulfillment?

The peaceful stillness of the morning before my house wakes up/

Dancing around my house in my underwear with the music blasting.

Laughing until I cry.

The smell of Palo Santo after I smudge.

Unsolicited hugs and I Love You’s from daughter.

Conversations where I walk away understanding someone deeper.

Accomplishing a task before the goal date.

Genuinely smiling all day without reason(s).

Hilarious text threads from My Person!

Feeling appreciated.

Being protected without asking.

When a woman I don’t know gives me a random “yaaaaaaassss you go girl!” to my hair or outfit on the street.

Now, one may say if these don’t happen then I won’t feel fulfilled, however, some days leave me feeling more satisfied than others. That doesn’t mean the entire day was a sham, lol. I just decided to start engaging in what fulfills me.

Before you scroll thru your timeline at the end of the night, ask yourself, “Did today leave me feeling fulfilled?” If it did, forego comparing your life to the explore page of IG and write down what left you feeling satisfied.

If it didn’t, definitely grab a pen and some paper and jot down 3 things that could have given you a more fulfilling day.

So again, I ask, how do we know when we are living a FULFILLING life?

Are you living a FULFILLING life? Or are your days just full?